Hi there and welcome back!!! First off, thank you to everyone who has supported me this far! I have just reached $7,000 which means only $11,000 more to go!!
It has been about a week since I returned from Training Camp and… WOW! I am amazed and overwhelmed at everything that happened. So much so, that I have actually been struggling on what to share.
Training Camp is “an intense 10-day (7-days because of changes needed with COVID) experience where you and your squad-mates meet in GA to connect deeply with the Lord and each other. Through teaching, prayer, scenarios, and relationship building, you will step out of fear and shame and into intimacy with the Father. You’ll also receive training on how to partner with God to establish His Kingdom on Earth.” (yes, I borrowed this from the website)
We walked into training camp as 50 strangers (44 squad-mates and 6 leaders) and left as a family with its foundation built on God. We were tested and challenged the moment we stepped on base… seriously…it started raining at check-in and rained for 3 days straight. We accepted our mutual state of sogginess and it gave us some very interesting memories! There were a lot of tears shed, both in joy and brokenness. We each showed up with our own baggage and watched as God broke each of us in the way we needed.
And He broke me too.
He used several squad-mates to speak truth into my life over doubts and struggles I have been dealing with on my own for several years.
One of the biggest victories within me, I think came on the last evening of the week. I had already seen and felt God moving, breaking down barriers and reminding me I am seen and loved through the people I am going to be spending the next year of my life with. I was not expecting or ready for what He did next.
A little context- If you didn’t know, I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a really long time and I let it become a part of my identity. This along with a lot of other negative situations in my life led me to feel as if I was holding together the pieces of my life with what ever strength I could find throughout the day. I always found myself searching for someone to help hold everything together but refusing to let anyone in.
Back to training camp…
We were guided through how we view our relationship with the trinity; Father, Son, Holy Spirit. (If you have never had the chance to do this, I highly recommend it.) When we got to the Holy Spirit, I was unsure of what I was going to “see”.
The beauty and sensations I experienced were truly indescribable. The Holy Spirit was not a solid human shape, but flowing and moving through me and the space around me. It reminded me of the sandman (Sandy) from the movie: The Rise of the Guardians (you should google it ??).
We were asked to give the Holy Spirit a hug and I remember suddenly being confused at how that was supposed to work. But He had it covered. The Holy Spirit moved to surround me, perfectly and completely. It was in that moment I saw THROUGH the cracks, through my pieces to the perfection that had surrounded me. Not only did He have the pieces I was desperately trying to keep together but He had everything I had lost over the years too.
And I just let go.
I let go of everything I had been holding, the pressure I was being buried under. I let go of the image of perfection I was trying to carry and the guilt for not achieving it day-after-day.
I took a breath, then another and honestly it feels weird. Every time I take a breath, I think I am going to feel that weight again. But our God doesn’t need do-overs or second chances.
“When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of His glory.”
Ephesians 1:13b-14
On the first day, one of our coaches spoke a word over us that she had felt God place on her heart:
Redemption.
-T
I would love to answer specific questions you may have for my next blog! So, drop some questions in the comments below, text me, DM me, etc.!!!
